Porn is love you can see.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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