Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
