Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
