dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
