I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
