Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
