I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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