Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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