You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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