Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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