You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
