By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
