i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
