I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
