Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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