Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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