Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
