I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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