I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
