Who wears a wallet chain?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
