I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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