Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
