one two three fourrrrnication!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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