Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
