I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
