I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
