i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
