You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
