why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
