Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
