I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
