mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
