Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
