Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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