Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
