You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
