do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
