Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
