Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
