She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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