FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
