You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
