smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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