so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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