Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
