There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
