chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
