Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
