I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
