He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
