I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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