i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
