i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
